This project, "dun4real" was started in Spring 2017. I gave it this name because I felt like the end was near and I've completely messed up my life. I was a failure in every aspect of my life, and felt like I was going to ruin my whole life and future. I didn't know what to do to keep up with life anymore, but I was so done with my obsession with Tyler Joseph and his cuteness.
He was everything that I wasn't familiar with. He's not liberal; he's not a pop artist; he raps fast and plays rock music; and he's not trying to look like a man; and he's not gay. He was so fierce, so tough but so emotional and warming, with so much cuteness and didn't care about how much love he has and didn't care what he hates. I would spend hours binge-watching cute videos on YouTube of Tyler Joseph "and his sassiness" and was fascinated with how cute he acted with his bandmate Josh Dun. They play with each other, stare at each other, care for each other, make puns with each other, and they're almost like angels to me.
And my life did go downfall since dun4real was started. I was rooting for the pilots when I found out I'm not going to graduate with the others; I was rooting for the pilots when I was having panic attacks everyday but can't find out why; I was rooting for the pilots when I realize I'm a failure at everything; I was rooting for the pilots when I was attacked by people I don't know online. I would compare myself to Lily Allen - what she went through from her tour to divorce and falling further down. I didn't drink like crazy or fuck around but I was highly addicted to locking myself in my room and looking at the screen, wasting time feeling ashamed and insecure and anxious, without doing anything year after year.
I have picked up my faith and rebuilt my understanding in human beings and politics, and I believe I'm in a better place now. I understand Mr. Joseph is insecure and shy but he also knew how to run things that's why he accomplished things. I realize now the society or any group is run by and is shaped by the people not necessarily the rules or the laws, and democracy is never guaranteed. And the society is a better place with more love and freedom when you let go of the bad bones or bad platforms (social media site). I'm still socially awkward, but I'm comfortable with how awkward I am now.